Driving Each Other Crazy in Retirement?

No, not likely to take up churning my own butter, but my husband and I enjoyed this step back in time at Humpback Rocks pioneer farm along the Blue Ridge Parkway recently.

Another Way for week of November 1, 2019

Driving Each Other Crazy in Retirement?

(Or, my latent, domestic side)

“Are you driving each other crazy yet?” This question from my dental hygienist caught me off guard because yes, I knew it was an issue for some couples. But in a word, no, we are not driving each other crazy yet, I’m happy to say. Frankly I’m a little surprised because, yes, that is something to worry/wonder about, along with preparing financially. But I’m currently feeling contented and perhaps curiously to some, cautiously celebrating a return—or perhaps launch—of a delayed domestic life.

Loving a table full of friends and family.

I used to think what I wanted to do after high school was just get married and have children. I guess you could call me a domestic at heart. I looked forward to having a home and family of my own. The role models around me were mostly women doing just that: being homemakers and full-time mothers in their homes.

That bubble burst while I was a senior in high school participating in a retreat with other high schoolers. I will never forget the counselor who asked us what our hopes were for after graduation. I said something like “get married and have a family.” The wise man looked at me (no doubt a bit surprised) and pushed, “What if no husband comes along, Melodie? What then?” That was 1970 and the entry of large numbers of women and mothers into the work force had certainly begun; this may be a bit hard to believe now in 2019, but a career or longterm employment had not quite become a personal goal of mine at that time. I had never questioned that I would get married.

Picking apples with grandsons at amazing 200-years-in-the-same-family orchard, Stribling Orchard. http://striblingorchard.com/

Let me hasten to say that I went on to attend college and began a wonderful job and career that I enjoyed 99 percent of the time. I was able to be involved in exciting, creative, mind-stretching and life-changing work. Even when our children came along, my husband and I decided I would stay in my job half time to help make ends meet, and as they grew and started school I gradually increased my hours over the years until I was working about 36 hours a week. I loved reserving a little domestic “me” time.

Walking our dog Velvet along a marvelous paved path (with stream) in Front Royal, Va.

I realize that at this point my husband and I are fortunate not to have to get up and go to work, although there are many that enjoy part time work long into retirement. Now that I am six months into retired status, I am relishing the opportunity to get up late, take a nap, read a book, work in the flower bed (during the day when I still have energy, not in the evening quickly before or after supper), clean out files, wipe the dust and lint from behind the dryer and refrigerator, go with my husband to the gym/pool, run errands around town, and travel to visit and help out with our growing grandchildren.

Late garden harvest–still producing through October.

This summer I enjoyed work like canning and freezing vegetables from our garden. Even though it’s still a chore, it’s much better to be canning at 11 in the morning than 11 at night. I’ve even done some mending and have many more deep cleaning and organizing projects to launch. I’m enjoying baking pies and taking meals to those with an ill or recuperating family member.

So yes, I’m a little surprised by the contented blooming of my domestic side. Not that life is perfect; patience, love, and forgiveness are required in all stages of life.

Enjoying volunteering with our local Broadway Lions Club, here at the annual Pancake Days.

Likely the spouse who is able to retire first ends up establishing somewhat of a routine. In our case it was my husband. One relative said she retired first and enjoyed her own routine of going to the gym, then having extended coffee time with women there, which she didn’t want to give up. After her husband retired several years later, he fell into his own routine—of always feeling like tomorrow would be a better day to get started on XYZ. “There’s always the next day to keep you procrastinating,” he warned.

Thank you Lord for many simple blessings.

Until there’s not, of course. Again, no matter what age or stage we’re at, we all benefit by accepting each day as a gift, and NOT put off until tomorrow what we want to get done today.

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What do you hope to do in retirement? Do you worry/wonder about whether you will be happy? I’d love to hear from you with your experiences, or wonderings about the future! Comment here or through the addresses below.

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For a free short book, Work Therapy, contact me at anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or write to Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.

Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.