Me Defy? Oh My!

Another Way for week of February 21, 2020

Me Defy? Oh My!

(Seventh in a ten-part series on physical, mental, relational, and spiritual health.)

Our seventh action verb for this week is defy. That scares me. How am I going to write about defy?

I am not an in-your-face kind of person. I don’t recall ever participating in an outright protest about anything. Sorry folks. I have never wanted to make enemies on either side. I have strong beliefs and my family and friends mostly know them. I just don’t put them out there in public. I’ve signed some petitions, wrote plenty of letters, even sent opinions to editorial pages.

When I was younger, I wasn’t one to defy my parents or their wishes—unless it was in the area of marrying a man who was not of our faith denomination. Both Christian, I have never hidden the fact in my writing that he grew up Lutheran and I grew up Mennonite and we compromised by going Presbyterian. When we had all three daughters baptized as infants in our Presbyterian church, I maybe defied the wishes of my father. I know we disappointed him in that.

So I have to ponder, why and how is defy a good action word for us?

A hymn we sang recently gave me new inspiration. Based on the poem or writings of St. Francis of Assisi (or at least attributed to him), I loved these lyrics adapted by Sebastian Temple in 1967:

Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me bring your love.
Where there is despair in life, let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness, only light,
And where there’s sadness, ever joy.

These approaches to life certainly defy the status quo. It is an ongoing struggle to face life with hope and joy when so much sadness, anger, evil, and misunderstanding seem to stain and drag down everyday life.

Grandma Miller, right; Grandpa Miller, left. This is the way I remember them. Probably on their 60th wedding anniversary, which I do not remember.

It takes defiance to forgive, to keep on giving when one you love does not give back, to pray when there do not seem to be any answers, to get up and go to chemo another day—even to send your littles out the door to school.

Another word for much the same thing is dare and here I think of my grandmother on my father’s side, who died when I was ten. Grandma Miller, as we called her, (her name was Barbara) lost two of her children, one at about 13 months and the other at age 22 of the Spanish flu epidemic. Grandpa and Grandma had nine children altogether, but I’m sure she grieved and missed these two daughters as any mother would.

As an infant, she also lost her own mother just hours after she was born. Then at the tender age of five, she lost her father, whom she remembered well. Like others in that era, she had to go live with relatives and was shuffled around—those families were always large, and it was hard to house and feed all the children.

So Grandma Miller was acquainted with sorrow, grief, and loss, yet she defied the odds she faced in the beginning, and raised a beautiful and loving family. Somewhere she and Grandpa instilled in my own father his deep and abiding passion to help others. I’m sure you have had parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles who have taught you these great lessons and alternative approaches to trial and sadness.

Grandma Stauffer whom I remember well, lived into her 90s and was able to hold and meet my children. Photo courtesy of Judy Yoder, my cousin.

My grandmother on my mother’s side lost her husband in a car accident when they were just in their 50s. She was a seamstress and supported herself the rest of her long life by doing sewing for others, especially alterations, using an old-fashioned treadle sewing machine (not electric).

So, defying can mean facing your life with grit and determination and a loving attitude in spite of grief, loss, hard times. Now that’s a defiance I’d like to take with me in life. Thanks, Grandma Miller and Grandma Stauffer.

Will you be that kind of role model for your children and grandchildren? God, make us a channel of your peace. May we defy odds and live with joy in our hearts.

More on Grandma Stauffer found here and here.

More on Grandma Miller found here.

Grandma Ruth Stauffer as a young girl, probably 8th grade graduation. She was allowed to be “fancy” as shown here, before she joined the church.

Grandma Barbara Miller, on her wedding day.

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How do you demonstrate defiance–in a good way??

What do you admire most about your grandparents if you had the privilege of knowing them?

What lessons did they teach with their lives?

What would you NOT do that they did?

Comment here!

Or send your stories or comments to me at anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.

I will make this series available in a PDF to send out by email at the series’ conclusion. You can request it now and I’ll send it to you in a few weeks.

Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.