How’s Your Married Life?

Another Way for week of March 17, 2023

How’s Your Married Life?

“I’m going to get my coffee, I’ll be right back,” I tell my husband pointedly.

As I say the line, inwardly I’m rolling my eyes. My husband has this thing about electric bills: tries desperately to keep them as low as possible. Which is reasonable enough. BUT, I need to see in the kitchen thank you very much. So if I step out of the kitchen for ten seconds to retrieve my coffee mug from the office/bedroom so I can put the dishes away, that grinds my gears a little.  

Okay, marital squabbles are as common as rain on the roof but usually ten times more annoying because we’ve heard the issues before. Actually, rain on the roof is a sweet sound for most of us. Maybe marital mini-fights include a reminder about flushing the stool? Putting the seat down? Getting a new toilet paper roll out please? Washing the remains of your vigorous toothbrushing down the drain instead of letting the gunk dry up in the sink? These are all annoyances that probably won’t lead to divorce—at least I hope not. But still, annoying.

I was shopping in my usual grocery store when I happened to overhear two guys talking about how much they like being married. The older one said something like “We love …. (doing something fun together, I can’t remember now exactly what he said) and the younger one agreed. How refreshing! How wonderful, may their kind increase!

But, marriage is hard, we also know that too. Even my wonderful parents, who had a truly great marriage from what I observed, did have arguments. They wouldn’t ever admit it, and maybe that’s ok, but as kids we know there were things they disagreed on and sometimes had hurts over. But. They kissed and made up: Dad’s standard advice for anyone having a fight.

One of my online friends (never met her, but we went to the same college years apart) has written a book she named My Checkered Life: A Marriage Memoir. Her name is Marian Beaman and she hails from the much-written about land of Mennonites and Amish in Lancaster, Pa., (think Amish romance novels) but, like me, married outside of the Mennonite church. I’ve shared her work here before and this is her second memoir. In it she delves deeply and bravely into the marriage relationship and shares their ups and downs.

Now married 50+ years, they did go through some years when Marian didn’t know if they would make it together. Her husband, Cliff, is an amazing artist who for years followed a career of doing artistic chalk drawing presentations in schools, about our country’s history and values. But that life on the road wasn’t the greatest for Marian and their two young children. Here’s one passage from this period when Cliff’s performance itinerary would no longer allow him to come home on weekends:

“The babies and I joined his gypsy entourage… I hated the trailer from the start. It was small and scruffy-looking. All of a sudden, my previously grounded life as a thirty-year-old mother had taken on an unfamiliar rhythm: no phone, no mailbox, no fenced-in yard for the children … and very little money. … Where do you keep dirty diapers in a confining space? We couldn’t afford Pampers. More than once, the green diaper pail decorated with a kangaroo lid and secured with an elastic belt had broken free as we barreled down the highway, sending baby urine yuck all over the teeny linoleum floor.” (My Checkered Life, p. 156, Spindletree Books, 2023.)

There are dozens of similar insider stories in this 300-some page book complete with intriguing photos. The point of the book, besides offering some wild and fascinating stories is to help others work through marriage disagreements, find common ground, and help keep a good marriage thriving.

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What are your marriage tips, triumphs, fails?

Any books you have found helpful on marriage?

Comments? Write to me at Another Way, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834, or email at anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com.

Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of ten books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.