Helping Out a Parent Long Distance

Another Way for week of August 11, 2023

My mother’s 99th birthday would have been July 30. Somehow that has stirred memories, love, and emotion. My tears have been resurrected. Then I ran across a letter I had sent to her about four years ago. Perhaps you’ll enjoy reading it and even appreciate the idea if you have a parent living at a distance who might enjoy what we cooked up together:

Hi Mom, I wanted to send a short note. We decided to head out to Ohio this weekend Sept. 27-30 for [a grandson’s] birthday. I really wanted to celebrate birthday #6 with our grandson! We plan to return home on Monday. Sept. 30. [This was in 2019.]

I talked to Little Caesars near you and they do not deliver at all, and none of their stores do. So I called the Pizza Hut in Goshen that only does delivery. I asked them what minimum amount was needed before they would deliver, and they said I have to order at least $15 worth of pizza. A medium size supreme pizza like you like (not the little pan pizzas you love, but the same ingredients, with a thinner crust that you should be able to chew) is $15.99. He said they would be happy to work with us to deliver to Greencroft [Mom’s retirement center] to your Juniper apartment.

A medium pizza would last you at least two Saturday nights and maybe three, if you freeze it. Let’s try it once and see how you like it. You can give them a tip of say $2 or $3. I will put the pizza on my charge card. This will be my way of helping out since Pert and Nancy [my sisters] already do a lot.

I told the manager, Matt, that I would call on Saturday afternoon Oct. 5 for a delivery for you about 5 p.m. He said I should ask for him and he usually works on Saturday afternoon and evening. I think he thought it was a really neat idea.

So we’ll try it next Saturday. and see if the delivery boy can find your apartment. I will have him bring it inside and find #113.  Love, Melodie

If you wonder how that little experiment worked out, the manager made sure the pizza was delivered; Mom loved it but decided it was a little too much hassle for her to manage (nervous about the delivery guy finding her, etc.). She also said frozen pizza wasn’t as good [no surprise about Mom there]. Plus pizza was more fun when she was eating with a group.

Of course! After Dad died about 17 years ago, we often treated Mom to pizza if we were visiting and she loved that, plus her Mt. Dew—which she indulged in only with pizza. Good thing too: I don’t think she ever made the connection that Mt. Dew would keep her up at night.

We all loved Mom dearly and looking back, I know our family was extremely lucky to have such loving, hardworking, giving, dear parents as Mom and Dad, even if Dad couldn’t abide pizza.

Also, I pondered whether other pizza shops would enjoy providing a service of delivering pizzas each Friday or Saturday evening to residents of retirement villages, where usually there is no meal provided and residents in those “independent living” spaces have to come up with their own meals, which for Mom was frequently just cheese, crackers, and some ice cream or chocolate candy. Or church youth groups could organize to do the same if area pizza deliveries are not possible for some of the older people they know, who hesitate at having to use credit cards for a pizza, or the stress of deciding and providing tips.

Oh how I would love to sit down with Mom and her beloved Pizza Hut mini-pan pizza. What do you remember and wish you could do again with your parents or parent?

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What memories or stories come to mind for you? Would this be an idea for your church youth group to connect with some older members?

I’d love to hear: share here on the blog in comments, or contact me at Another Way, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834, or email anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com.

Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of ten books, most recently Memoir of an Unimagined Career. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.