Another Way for week of December 31, 2021 When We Gathered at the Ocean
Is anyone else’s head muddled like mine? I have trouble sorting out what things happened or didn’t happen in 2021 and 2020—mainly because of the whirlwind the loathsome pandemic has sent us through. I’m glad I keep a journal on my laptop as sort of a calendar of the things we did or were thinking or worrying about—it helps keep me straight.
We all can likely name a variety of disappointments, shock, and dismay at all those we’ve lost—some from Covid and complications, some from cancer or heart attacks or accidents. For me the biggest loss was the death of my mother. I’ve written much about her (too much?), including having to miss her memorial service in mid-November due to my positive Covid test. It turned out to be an asymptomatic situation. But the timing was terrible and my husband and I had to stay home from her service.
I also turned 70 soon thereafter and my husband and daughters wanted to surprise me for this “big” birthday. So it was that Stuart and I ended up on a beloved stretch of South Carolina coastline in mid-December, near where my middle sister lives. Then my oldest sister totally surprised me. I had not known she was also joining us at my sister’s. We cried and hugged as we gathered.
On a lovely afternoon we sent small handfuls of Mom’s ashes into the sand and waves, watching the fine dust slowly ebb away. The sister who lives near the beach had suggested this, and while I wasn’t sure it was for me (I’d never been one to kiss or even touch a loved one in a casket—sorry to say), shaking a small bag of Mom’s ashes into the ocean seemed perfect for her love of the water and beaches. I could sense a presence with us that helped my heart take another step on the journey you go through after the death of a parent or a dearly loved person in your life. We also missed our brother at the ocean, who couldn’t join us but his heart was with us.
Genesis 3:19 reminds us that we—at least our bodies—are only dust. Our spirits live on in God’s presence somewhere in the vast cosmos.
At 70 you really start to ponder the span of your life, and feel the inevitability of one day being the one who is mourned (at least one can hope!) by loved ones. Even in the act of passing on memorabilia to the next generation (which I’ve done a lot of lately), and going through photos and letters—you start to realize the importance of writing down information on the small mug or souvenir your mom bought, or special desk your mother and father used, or the rocking chair you can visualize your grandfather in—what these things meant.
If the past two years have taught us anything, it is coming to closer grips with the turns life can take, the surprises and pivots we’ve all faced. I think of the massively destructive killer tornadoes right before Christmas in too many states, and the disappointments and futility we’ve all felt.
But we would be poor indeed if we stopped there: the past two years have taught us how precious our families and dear friends are, the treasure of hard working medical and rescue personnel in our communities and world, the dearness of safe homes, the wealth that is in many of our refrigerators and freezers and closets. At least I hope you have some of these gifts: the non-returnable blessings that God and family and our vast earth have bequeathed. I am so grateful for all my family, friends, and church community.
I pray that you will have a safe, healthy, and blessed New Year.
***
What blessings do you name: from God, family, the earth?
Have you seen or kept ashes of a loved one? How does it make you feel?
What have the last two pandemic years taught you?
Or send comments, memories, or stories to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Mary Ann Kinsinger’s Flakey Pie Crust Recipe
Mary Ann Kinsinger is an author and blogger who I only know online; but she has given me (or shall I say the world) a wonderful pie crust recipe that beats out my traditional recipe hands down. I made some homemade apple and pecan pies over Christmas and the pie crust was a winner by all who ate it. Mary Ann grew up Amish and writes fictional books, teaming up with another well-known writer about things Amish, Suzanne Woods Fisher, and together they’ve written numerous books for 8-12 year old young girls.
Some time back, Mary Ann shared it on her Facebook page and I printed it out for myself. I tried it, liked it, then lost my copy of the recipe. So awhile back, I winged it, trying to remember how it went. The result was edible but not quite up to par. Couldn’t find the recipe anywhere but in cleaning off my desk so that my grandsons could use my office/bedroom over the holidays, lo and behold there it was at the bottom of a too large pile! I was very happy.
Without any more ado, here is the recipe:
Mary Ann Kinsinger’s Pie Dough
Makes three pie crusts, depending on how thin
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup butter flavored Crisco (or you can use plain Crisco and substitute in about ¼ cup softened butter)
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup milk
1/3 cup water
Mix flour and Crisco until you have nice even crumbs. (I use a dough cutter.) Add liquids. Use a spoon or two fingers to stir and incorporate the mix together. Don’t panic at this stage thinking the dough is too wet and gloopy (Mary Ann’s word). “It will all come together and make a perfect pie dough,” she says.
My sister-in-law, an awesome cook herself, pronounced the dough “very flakey.” And that’s a great thing to have in a pie. She also asked for the recipe so I’m posting it here!
Enjoy.
To make apple pie, use your best pie recipe, my favorite is here.
Visit Mary Ann’s website which has been going since 2009 and to see all her lovely books for young girls.
And if you are serious about keeping the tradition of family dinner time alive and well, get a copy of my book from 2011: Whatever Happened to Dinner: Recipes and Reflections on Family Mealtime.
Another Way for week of December 24, 2021
A Very Special Birth
Last week I wrote about Marjorie Holmes’ famous and prolific fiction books. She wrote about Mary and Joseph in the Bible and how the birth of Jesus might have went. How do we know the facts about Jesus’ birth? I imagine that Mary and Joseph told and shared his birth story with him as he was growing up, and later with the friends and disciples of Jesus. So what is written down in the gospels of Matthew and Luke is likely very close to accurate. But those passages do not contain a lot of information, although we can be thankful for what is there.
Tradition in those times was that men or husbands did not help with the birth of a child, but rather women were generally brought in as midwives. But Mary and Joseph were winging it on their own, being far from family because of the edict to travel to Joseph’s hometown of Bethlehem to be counted in a census.
In Holmes’ book, Two from Galilee: A Love Story of Mary and Joseph, an excerpt from that special night in the stable has Mary telling Joseph, “Go fetch some water, some hot water if you can get it. Go to the herdsmen at the door and see if they can give us some.” How many movies or sitcoms about a woman giving birth in an emergency situation start with “Go get hot water.”? She adds not to take time to find a midwife at her stage of labor.
As Mary groans in her travail, (Holmes uses old Biblical terms), she tells Joseph that if she dies in childbirth: “You must know one thing. I did not sin. You are the only man I have ever loved.”
Earlier, Joseph had finally been alerted in a dream not to shy away from taking Mary as his wife. The dream included the well-known prophecy that “A virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and his name shall be called Emmanuel.” Joseph knew, as every believing Jewish person of the day did, that the scriptures had predicted a Messiah would be born who would save them all from the Roman empire which inflicted so much pain for the people.
When Mary reminds her husband—in the midst of her gut-wrenching labor—that she is indeed a virgin, Joseph (in this novel) is ripped apart mentally. “That this could be uppermost in her mind at such a time seemed to him unutterably pathetic. And that he could have doubted—unendurable. ‘I know how pure you are. God forgive me for doubting even for a minute,’” he tells her. Joseph tries to comfort her saying “And you won’t die. God would not allow it.”
Childbirth is almost always extremely stressful, especially with a first child. Today most modern couples struggle through labor together. In Holmes’s telling, Mary gathers her wits and strength and tells Joseph to get a fire going to warm the swaddling clothes she had brought along. She reminds Joseph they will need to bath the baby when it is born, and that a knife must be dipped in hot water before cutting the umbilical cord, and to tie off the cord securely.
Finally, Joseph is excited to assure Mary, “I can see its little head! You must strive harder, beloved. Bear down, bear down.”
She bore down and the baby came forth. “Joseph lifted him up for her to see. And they looked upon him together and marveled … And when he squirmed in Joseph’s arms and uttered his first cry, the thrill … ran through both of them, for this was life, human life, and they knew that a miracle had been achieved.”
Not many sermons at Christmastide have gotten this real, this intense, this descriptive.
And so the baby Jesus was born, safely. In time, he grew up to be a man with a very special mission. We know the bitter end on the cross, for our sakes, and the happier outcome of Christ’s resurrection. I pray that this retelling helps bring the reality of Christ’s birth and purpose to life for all of us. Merry Christmas! And now, happy New Year. And a happy Easter to come!
Send your thoughts or comments to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Another Way for week of December 17, 2021
A Love Story to Top All Love Stories
I love the backstory which renowned author Marjorie Holmes provided for one of her first novels based on Biblical characters, Mary and Joseph. Perhaps you will find how this book came to be interesting too.
“One Christmas Eve … a woman [she’s writing about herself on the book’s dust jacket] sat in a darkened church. The greens, the carols, the beauty of the night, all contributed to the expectant stillness that filled the church. Suddenly the woman became aware of a strong sweet smell of hay in the candlelit manger.”
This all “actually happened,” author Holmes suddenly thought in wonder. “It happened to real people in a real place with real smells and sounds and with a young mother that was no older than my own daughter.”
Holmes was a bestselling author for years (deceased 2002) and I found her book Two from Galilee: A Love Story of Mary and Joseph fascinating(published by Fleming Revell, 1972). We hear lots of stories and wonderings, especially this time of year, about how it was for Mary and Joseph as they hurried to Bethlehem and the eventual birth of baby Jesus.
In her book, Holmes adds in believable struggles and emotions for Mary and Joseph, family disagreements over politics, and a father-in-law who drinks too much: imaginative details and drama. Holmes did serious research, including traveling to Palestine to enrich her descriptions. She used some poetic license to write her novel. Thus critics have pooh-poohed some of her writing, and some felt she went too far astray with the biblical tales she relates in some of her other books. But anyone who has written 134 books, and sold millions and millions of books over many years gets my respect.
In Two from Galilee, Holmes imagines what it would have been like for a very beautiful young girl, Mary, (so pretty that her mother schemes and hopes for a beau of wealth who could offer a high bride price for Mary)—which would certainly change the fortunes of a humble family. Mary catches the eye of every young man in Galilee, including an older guy, Joseph, who is also from a relatively poor family. Holmes’ novel takes off from there, weaving in historical facts regarding life in Galilee under brutal Roman rule. Cruelty, especially for the Jewish people, abounds. But everyone in the Jewish community knows full well that at some point a Messiah has been promised to rescue them from their difficult station in life. They knew from the scriptures that God had promised this, and every young woman growing up and (her parents) wondered if she would be the one to birth this promised baby.
So Joseph and Mary, according to this book, have been eyeing each other for years and finally the time comes when Joseph’s father is able to arrange a betrothal for his son. Appropriate gifts are exchanged. Joseph is beyond excited. However, Mary’s mother is portrayed as somewhat disappointed in not gaining a wealthier son-in-law; but with a little arm twisting from young Mary—the mother comes around. A wedding will come later but for all purposes, the future bride and groom are technically married by law, even though the “honeymoon” will come after the formal wedding. They begin preparing for their life together with Joseph fixing up a future home and Mary working on her trousseau.
Then the angel Gabriel makes his announcement to Mary; she soon flees to Aunt Elizabeth’s house in the countryside near Jerusalem. Author Holmes broadens our picture of how things might have happened—not the least of which is what should Joseph do with his pregnant, betrothed, beloved Mary? I’ll write more about that next week.
The real love story here is how God loved the world and sent Jesus to earth, and that love can change us all.
If you’ve never read this book and enjoy fictional accounts of real happenings, it might be for you. Merry Christmas everyone!
Send your thoughts or comments to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
It’s finally getting real! I’m excited–not quite as excited as I was in 1981 or so when I signed my first book contract, but elated that I’ve hooked up with a good publisher, especially for a book and title that readers helped me select and encouraged me to write. We’ll get to the title in a minute.
Writing a new book is always risky, and this time I’ve written this one partly for historical purposes. The editor is assuring me that memoir and biography seem to have staying power: “Memoirs and Biographies are a popular read and stay current longer then other genres.” She may have just been stroking my ego but they seem to be my favored genres at this stage of my life.
I’ve chosen Masthof (masthof.com) and I like that they have published thousands of titles featuring local history, life stories, memoirs, Anabaptist, Pennsylvania Dutch, Amish, Mennonite, Brethren and more. They say, “Our main passion is preserving history for the next generation.” They have a quarterly supplement they mail or email to over 7,000 customers and also send out a quarterly supplement targeting bookstores.
So …. mini drum-roll, the title we’ve chosen is:
Memoir of an Unimagined Career: 43 Years Inside Mennonite Media.
And, a peek at the first couple paragraphs:
My writing career began accidentally when six incarcerated men shuffled into the gymnasium at Middlebury School (Middlebury, Indiana) in handcuffs for a scare-them-straight assembly. … Armed guards stood on either side of the mock jail cells represented by steel bars, set up like a makeshift cow pen. The men stood behind the bars and one by one told the story of how he landed in Michigan State Prison.
I felt nervous and excited about what could happen in the presence of these bad guys. Most of my classmates were listening intently, almost spellbound. You could hear every cough and sh-sh-shush from a teacher in that mostly still gymnasium. Would they try to escape in that low security setting? What would the guards do?
———————–
We hope the book will pique reader interest and preserve an amazing history of a fine church media organization that always had as it’s main goal, reaching out beyond the church. It will be fun to share the book with you — but that’s at least six months away. Stay tuned here for things like cover reveals, foreword writer, table of contents.
Meanwhile, I wish all readers a gentle and fulfilling Christmas (not the food, not the presents) but the joy of being alive and focusing on a miraculous birth over 2000 years ago. Blessings!
Another Way for week of of December10, 2021
I’ll Take Dependable, Thank You
I wasn’t sure if I could do it, but I argued my husband into letting me buy and put together a small toddler bed for a grandson to use at our house. The grandson had outgrown the crib and even Pac ‘N Play type beds. And we were short a bed when they all visited.
My husband is very busy at this time of year, cutting wood, splitting it, stacking it. He maintained that it wouldn’t take him long to put together a small bed but I knew it wouldn’t be as cute and inviting to a little one as the small “character” beds I found in stores and online. I told him that after perhaps buying a few pieces of wood for the project and some pretty bright paint, we would probably easily spend more than $50 (the price online). It arrived in two days. Now my work was cut out for me.
So on a recent Monday morning, I started in and made great progress, until, you guessed it, I needed a third or even fourth hand with some of the final screws and bolts. I couldn’t hold the parts and insert the screw too. (How did the woman on the YouTube instructional video do it??)
Bless his heart, when I told Stuart my predicament, without a great deal of complaining or “I told you so” comments, he helped me finish the final steps in a matter of minutes. He was/is dependable.
Dependable as a word sounds boring. They even named adult diapers after it, right? But I think that dependability is one of the sweetest and best traits for a person—especially in a friend, family, or marriage relationship. It is golden.
Reliable. Trustworthy. Steadiness. Loyalty. Fidelity.
I’ll say “Yes, please,” for all of these traits. Being able to lean on each other, knowing and remembering the big or little things that makes the other happy (or really ticks them off!) are like bedrock: a foundation you can build on.
We look for a lot of things in a family relationship. There’s love of course, but also stick-to-itiveness. Getting up and going to work every day (in your working years). Mindfully stashing raises into your rainy-day account or 401K. Being there for them when they start—but can’t finish a project without a third or fourth hand. Keeping secrets and confidences. These are part of being dependable. I can’t tell you how many people or employers I’ve heard in recent years talk about the unreliability of many in the work force, which is very sad.
We learn these traits and functions from our parents, friends, and broader family. As a community, society, country, or world, we thrive when dependability abounds, and fall apart when it is in short supply.
On the other hand, the opposite of dependability is failing to follow through on a promise or job. Carol Gignoux, a prominent thought leader on the subject of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, (ADHD) reminds folks that “There is no better way to show that you value your job than by showing up consistently and getting the work done without a fuss.” This is not easy, especially if someone struggles with attention deficit as an adult. Coaching programs can help.
We want reliable cars. We want mail that gets delivered in a reasonable amount of time. It comes down to managing our commitments, points out another advisor, Lee Colan at Inc.com. We especially want and need reliable financial advisors.
But we can walk through the challenges and difficulties that come our way when we have people around us who support us, whom we can lean on, whom we can trust.
This Christmas season, I am newly grateful for those who have supported us in this past year and I hope you can treasure those who’ve done that for you. In this difficult year—shall we say the second difficult year in a row—grab on to and praise, compliment, or thank those who’ve been bedrock for you.
Did you ever start a project that was a challenge for you? How did it go? We’d love to hear!
Or, what are you especially grateful for this year?
Send your thoughts or comments to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Another Way for week of December 3, 2021
Unexpected: Rearrange Some Rugs
“Unexpected” is the theme the worship planning team at church chose for Advent this year. When so many of us have had our plans and worlds turned upside down in a matter of seconds or hours … yes, we have to expect the unexpected.
This November, our youngest grandson had not been in our house for a year and a half, due to Covid and very careful parents. He is a little over three now and still not old enough to get his vaccine. So the little fellow is the only one in the family who is not vaccinated. Earlier this fall, he unexpectedly endured quarantine due to having a positive Covid test (had a runny nose) and had to spend many hours in his room when he longed to be playing with his brothers. I doubt he could really mentally process what being in “quarantine” meant, other than “alone.” He did enjoy messing with a computer tablet—since he is not usually allowed unsupervised access.
At any rate, his older brothers certainly remembered our house at Thanksgiving, but Edward didn’t really remember it. So, I noticed he was staring at a large photo of our family from about seven years ago. He easily recognized his mother and father in the photo and the rest of us, but I knew he was pondering why his parents were only holding one very small boy—about four months old. That baby was matched on the other side of the photo by a six-month-old cousin.
I lifted Edward onto a chair so he could see the photo better, and began to explain to him that the baby was his oldest brother, and that he and Henry weren’t even born yet. He looked like he was taking it in, and I think he was kind of making sense of it. After all, there are many photos around his own home of his brothers without him in them.
After I helped Edward down, he began further exploring our house and commenting on the many oval braided rugs we have in our house. He went around pointing to them and saying “There’s a zero.” He loves numbers. Next thing I knew, he was picking up the small brown “zero” inside our front door and carrying it back to one bedroom where we had recently put a large brown braided oval rug given to us. Edward planted the small rug near a desk in the room and I loved it: my new interior designer. Totally unexpected.
Back to the “Unexpected” theme for Advent. At our church we usually have a beautiful, natural green wreath with candles for each week of Advent. Families, couples, or individuals take turns reading a scripture, and then lighting one additional candle each Sunday.
This year, the worship leader placed a single jar with a candle inside and lit that candle representing “hope,” saying that instead of our normal wreath, various candles would represent the unexpected nature of our current pandemic times. The scripture from Jeremiah 29 spoke to the theme of sorrow and difficulty when the Israelites lost hope as they were forced into exile in Babylon. The prophet Jeremiah told the people to build homes, start gardens, and settle in, and that there would be a better time in the future as they held on, together.
Honestly, most of us can relate to this loss of hope. Will things ever get better? Will we be able to celebrate Christmas with our families, or will last minute colds and coughs and positive covid tests keep us home and in isolation? Worse, hospitalized with unknown futures? We have all lost so many loved ones from various causes. Our hearts ache for each other.
The God of hope, love and grace be with us all as we travel these uncertain roads. We need the courage and chutzpah of a three-year-old to make ourselves at home, rearrange some rugs, and do the best we can even in isolation, or new and strange surroundings. One of my favorite songs at church goes “May the God of hope go with us every day, filling all our lives with love and joy, and peace.”
***
Have you had any surprises so far this December?
What are you looking forward to? What are going to miss?
Do you like rearranging things in your house for the holiday season? Or not so much….
Comment here or send stories or comments to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Another Way for week of November 26, 2021
Ten Tips for Enriching Your Prayer Life
One of the treasures I found in Mother’s things was a list of suggestions to use in one’s prayer life. Many of us have ups and downs in how faithful we are in praying and we slide away from a focused time. God certainly knows our habits—and understands.
But no matter where you stand regarding a regular quiet time sharing what’s on your heart, we can foster a closer relationship with God by talking with the Almighty consistently.
Photo by my cousin, Judy Yoder.
Here are some of the tips I found on that list which I’ve partially revised:
- Set aside a regular time to pray. Often people get up early to pray but you could set aside any time of day—whether at lunchtime or in the evening before bed.
- Choose a regular place to pray. For me, that’s in bed, before I rise to start the day. (That’s easier to do when you’re retired.) But others set aside a corner of a room, a special chair, perhaps in your car or a place outdoors. Perhaps use a candle to set a quiet mood.
- Write out prayers. If that doesn’t work for you, no worries. But written prayers can be used at times in a Bible study or devotional or just to remind yourself of what you’ve prayed for in the past.
- Pray out loud. You can even yell at God, especially in difficult times or when angry or frustrated. Again, God understands and as you express yourself, at times this leads you into a calmer, settled self.
- Include silence. Don’t do all the talking when you pray. Take time to listen to God as well.
- Include singing. Music can set a tone that lifts your spirit and leads you into true worship with God. I love singing in the car—and in the shower!
- One pastor offered a structure for prayers that may keep you from getting into ruts of saying the same old. Using the word ACTS as a mnemonic (think of the Bible book of Acts), you can use this list:
- Adoration – Reflect on who God is and how God cares for you
- Confession – Honestly tell God where you’ve succeeded or failed
- Thanksgiving – Offer up thanks to God for goodness shown to you and others
- Supplications – That’s a fancy church word for prayer requests—often the first and only part of praying. But I like the idea of saving specific prayer requests until you’ve taken time for the first three in this mnemonic.
- Pray with others. You can do this in person, on the phone, a small group, or while walking with a partner. My husband and I usually take turns praying before meals and to me, it is a special time when I hear what my husband is concerned about.
- Use prayers written by others. Many prayers are included in hymnals or devotional books or magazines. They can inspire and rev up your prayer life.
- Be realistic about your efforts. If you’ve only been praying 30 seconds a day, don’t set a goal of 30 minutes. Start with a small routine you can keep.
Mom had a regular prayer time after her morning bread and coffee, when she’d sit and read the Bible or a devotional, and then go over a long list of family and friends and folks she’d only heard about. I wish to follow her example.
I couldn’t find an author for this list but if you know who wrote it or a similar list, please let me know! I do not like to use pieces that should be attributed to the original writer. I hope this can enrich your prayer times.
***
Where and when are your favorite or best times to pray? What are tips you can share?
Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt you couldn’t pray?
Comment here or send to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Originally for Another Way for week of November 5, 2021
Make this a Season of Gratefulness
We are in a season where our hearts are primed to turn toward gratitude. Or at least I hope that is the case. There’s Thanksgiving of course, there’s Veteran’s Day, and I must say, there’s gratitude that localized campaigning for governor, state delegates, town councils, school board (or whatever your local elections were this year) are, hallelujah, over! I don’t mind the actual voting so much as the incessant ads on TV and the direct mail cards that filled our wastebasket to overflowing this year. I bet we received nearly 100 in these past months. If the TV ads were more straight up facts than demonizing the other candidate, I could tolerate the campaigning better. Anyone else?
Sigh. Now I can get to the gratitude. In these next weeks, I plan to focus these columns on the positive, the uplifting, the feel-good stories and happenings that are all around us if you look.
A beloved university football coach went to our church. In his later years, he kept a little notebook so he could remember details like meetings and appointments or prayer requests at church. He was the essence of punctuality, neatness, and encouragement for others. He knew my husband was having knee replacement surgery last year and asked me for the exact day and time so he could pray for Stuart. I was so touched, and then shockingly, the coach did not wake up the next Sunday morning. At age 77, Coach was still “young.” Stuart’s surgery was two days later. The coaches’ memorial service was planned for the day Stuart got out of the hospital. My husband insisted we go to the service on our way home, walker and all. As we greeted the family, his daughter told me that Stuart had been on her dad’s prayer list that week. Touched and grateful? You bet. I want to do better to be more aware of the needs of others and put them first, rather than my own needs.
My oldest sister has had to put the needs of my mother ahead of her own these last several years. We siblings will be forever grateful. Who knew that a few choices about colleges or careers or romances would leave our family—like millions the world over—scattered instead of living in the same community? So, Mom was lucky to have her personal registered nurse (now retired) always on call. Mom was a saint (and now a literal saint), but she could also be very picky about brands and the medications she took, so I don’t know how many times Nancy selflessly drove to store after store especially the last two years when “supply chain” issues affected so many medications. Nancy also personally nursed Mom back to health from various deep wounds on her legs and arms when her skin got thinner than the papery skins of onions. Not to mention the tendency to fall. We tried to help from a distance—sending gas money every so often. If your family lives in closer proximity, or if you have a sibling who lives near one or both of your parents, that is definitely something to be eternally grateful for this season.
Also, I have a spouse who puts up with my idiosyncrasies and has been a loving and faithful husband all these 45 years. He has driven us 1200 miles round trip six times this year in an attempt to help me spend time with mother, and also help out my sisters who have had primary responsibilities. He also drives me up the wall sometimes, but hey, I know I do him too. I am happily grateful to have him for my husband, and for our children (and their spouses) and the glorious gift of grandchildren.
One more quick story. We decided to order some carry out pizza at Costco and while I was waiting, a longtime cashier at the store (whom I had a tendency to be judgemental about wearing tight, very low cut tops and lots of make up) took time to do a job she didn’t have to do: help a young girl of about 11 figure out where to stand to get served by the staff behind the snack counter. I had seen the girl looking bewildered and confused, but didn’t think to step in to help. I was thankful to observe this sweet act of kindness on the part of the busy cashier who was stacking some of their eternal boxes.
We can all use more kindness and gratitude in our world, nation, communities and families. And less judging! Here’s to a nice long season celebrating gratitude, and not for just a couple of yummy meals.
***
Comment here, or send your stories, comments, or questions to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Another Way for week of November 19, 2021
How Could It Be?
It was late last Wednesday (Nov. 10) afternoon. I could not believe my ears. No, no, no!
When the nurse came out to my car and told me my Covid test was positive, I was devastated. I didn’t know what on earth we could do about going to my mother’s memorial service, planned for Saturday morning. We were hoping to leave early Thursday for the 11-hour trip to Indiana.
I didn’t feel physically sick, I was not running a temperature, no cough. Well, a small temp in a hot car with a mask over my face. It could be a false positive, said the nurse. And I had already had a booster shot.
As I made phone calls, my siblings were so compassionate in saying they didn’t want to have Mom’s service without me. Could we postpone it? With Mom’s choice for cremation, we had already postponed it a month. I didn’t feel we should postpone it anymore, unless my brother’s family—which had it even worse with memorial services for two mothers in one week and 900 miles away—wanted to delay it. But their family would have had complications too, if we postponed. We’d already changed the start time once. We had worked hard arranging pictures, things for display tables; food preparation. The soloist and pianist would have to be contacted, the audio-visual guy, funeral home, the pastoral associate.
Plus winter was breathing cold around the corner. It seemed so far off to postpone burying Mom’s urn until late spring; those of us in warmer climes did not want to hit northern Indiana’s snow belt in the depths of winter.
The associate for pastoral care at our own church advised me later that evening to get a PCR test (a lab test more accurate than a rapid test). But it was too late to get one that day, although I was able to schedule one for the following afternoon at a pharmacy. Results would be sent in 1-2 days.
The next morning I woke up troubled, in a semi-dream state. I saw a bird circling overhead; it looked down at me and that’s when I realized it was an eagle, white bald head. And then it went away. Was the eagle bearing reassurance from Mom? Immediately I thought of one of our favorite Bible passages, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31).
That day I bought a rapid test kit to use on myself. Terribly nerve wracking to do everything just right. It was positive too. And had the PCR test performed. My husband spoke of driving all night so we could be there Saturday morning for the service, but I didn’t really want to do that, it seemed too dangerous at our ages. Maybe if we were still in our 20’s.
Upshot was the lab test turned out positive too, we stayed home, and our dear daughters went in our stead. They hooked us up a livefeed on Facebook. They read a letter from me that I had written to Mom shortly before she died. My daughters’ presence there was a blessing and I almost felt like I was there except for fellowship with friends and family. Missing that brought on a few episodes of deep sobs.
So, I had Covid, but was totally asymptomatic; I felt fine physically, but quarantining just in case. And I had just had a booster shot a week and a half before I tested positive.
Never in 100 years would I have imagined having to miss my mother’s celebration of life service. Yes, it hurt, I’m still sad. A hymn goes through my head, or a lump rises as I snuggle in one of her old sweaters, and have another good cry.
Honestly, we’ve been celebrating her life the last five years or so, knowing this could come at any time. She had braved some serious surgeries, falls, and pulled through so often. We’re thankful she had a good mind right to the end. I have no doubt she is truly celebrating somewhere with loved ones in her new realm, heaven, whatever that turns out to be. It is well with my soul.
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P.S. I have now tested negative, praise be!! I’ve added this P.S. after my quarantine was done.
I debated sharing this here. How public did I want to be? The turmoil, the unease, the feeling like a pariah are all things persons go through with this incessant pandemic. I invite you to send your stories and comments to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
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