Another Way for week of January 21, 2021
Guns Into Plows
Recently I took time to examine a sculpture speaking to the tragic gun deaths we hear of all too often. It has a fascinating backstory. The sculpture is stunning no matter where you examine it—whether on the streets of Washington, D.C. —where many of the guns were once in the hands of both good citizens and would-be killers, or at its current home at Eastern Mennonite University.
Created by artist Esther Augsburger and her son Mike, both were college classmates of mine in the 70s. Mike’s father and Esther’s husband, Myron, was the college president at Eastern Mennonite College when we were in school, and Esther was completing her art major.
Then in the 1990s, Mike was watching a TV news report on boxing champ Riddick Bowe, who proposed that he would fund a gun buyback program in Washington, D.C. Persons turning in guns received $100 per firearm, no questions asked. Mike told his mom: “Why not turn those guns into a huge sculpture to serve as a reminder of Isaiah’s prophecy?” Isaiah 2:4 poetically proposes: “They shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore.”
Esther contacted D.C. police and persuaded them to donate the weapons—safely disabled— to her for a sculpture that would serve as a statement on the streets of our capital city. She and Michael spent months welding the guns onto a massive metal sculpture shaped like the blade of a plow. It was moved to Washington D.C. in 1997.
For a four-ton piece of artwork (19 by 16 feet), it has been moved around more times than you’d think. The sculpture was first placed in front of Police Headquarters in downtown D.C. near Judiciary Square and the Capitol. Then sometime before 2008, it was surreptitiously moved to a vacant lot without even telling the artists about the move. (All parties had agreed that Esther would be notified if there was a need to move it.) So it sat rusting for a while in a vacant lot near a sewage treatment center. In 2011, there were plans to place the sculpture in front of a new state-of-the-art evidence control facility for the city’s police department. According to the project superintendent, the police had come to truly appreciate the sculpture and felt like it helped “the public see a message coming from us.”
Esther and sponsors decided to at least move it back to the city of Harrisonburg, Va., to refurbish it (where it was originally made) near the grounds of Eastern Mennonite University. Donors and interested parties helped with that endeavor. It was reinstalled next door to the university in 2017 and remains there at present for all who pass by or stop in. Esther is now 91 and she and Myron are still very active. Sadly, their son Mike died of cancer in 2017 at the age of 63.
This is not a political column or meant to criticize gun owners. I look at it as a religious statement and goal given to us in the Bible as quoted above: “Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore.” Perhaps not in our lifetime but a promise for the life to come. Jesus told Peter to put down his sword (both in the Matthew and John Gospels): “Put your sword away. Anyone who lives by fighting will die by fighting,” the Contemporary English Version puts it in Matthew 26:52. One friend, Daryl Byler, formerly director of the Center for Justice and Peacebuilding at EMU, said Esther and her son Mike “dared to imagine a day when, rather than destroying enemies with guns and weapons of war, humans would find the God-given strength and courage to feed their enemies with the produce tilled and grown in our fields.”
Join many others praying that peace may hold in Russia and the Ukraine
as well as in our cities in the U.S. and elsewhere.
Comment here, or send your thoughts or stories to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Another Way for week of January 14, 2021
Scrapping for Position and Other True Kid Stories
It’s not every day that your three-year-old grandson writes your column for you.
First of all, I identify with him as the third child in my family—of the same gender: I was the third girl. He was the third boy in his family. We also had three daughters, so our youngest daughter also knows a little about disappointing parents just a smidge by not coming through as a child of a differing gender.
We loved our family of three little ones but a parent has only two sides to their body. Someone is left out in that savored seat next to a parent, especially after they are all a bit too big to be lap-sitters.
The other evening my daughter’s youngest boy, Edward, was edging for his share of the space and declared to an older brother, “Henry! Give me persomal [sic] space!” (That’s the way this three-year-old pronounced “personal.” They’ve been talking about it in his preschool.)
His momma said, “He was pushing his way onto my lap. It was ‘vintage Doreen’ scrapping for position.” Doreen is our third daughter.
Actually, I don’t remember feeling or wishing I could be the oldest. There’s a lot of pressure on the oldest to do well, to excel, to pave the way.
Two years ago I put together a booklet of stories just for my grandsons, reminding them that once upon a time their mommies were little too.
And sometimes, wonderful things happen. Like the time our oldest, Michelle was supposed to go to a fancy banquet with mommy. She was excited to be so grown up! We stayed in a hotel in a city two hours away, with a bunch of other women. When Michelle was getting dressed for the banquet, she discovered I’d mistakenly packed an outgrown pair of dress shoes she had recently handed down to her sister.
Michelle bravely tried to pinch her feet into the “Sunday shoes.” I told her she’d just have to wear them anyway. She pushed the shoes on and limped to the bathroom. They really hurt. She looked sad. I felt like Michelle was one of Cinderella’s stepsisters, and I was the evil step-mother. “Oh well,” I finally said. “Just wear your old tennis shoes.” We had a marvelous time at the grown-up party and when I apologized to our tablemates, one woman said “I’m sure her feet are more comfortable than mine!”
One year, our church decided to send children to summer camp. Our middle daughter Tanya’s turn came first—she was only seven years old. An overnight camp all by herself! We were a little worried but tried not to show it. Would Tanya be ok? Would she cry?
Then Tanya told us she didn’t want to go after all. I said something like, “That’s natural. Everyone is afraid of doing something the first time.” But I worried. Would she make friends?
Then I reminded her, “When you come home, you’ll be the first in our family to go to camp and tell your older sister all about it!”
Tanya made new friends and for once she got to do something before her big sister.
Finally, a story about our youngest. Her big sisters already went to real school in second grade and kindergarten. Sometimes it wasn’t fun to be the last born in the family, but she really dreaded being the last one picked up at nursery school. One day she reminded me, “Remember, I don’t want to be picked up last today!”
That day at work I was very very busy. Suddenly I looked at the clock. Ten minutes ‘til 12.
Would I make it? I drove as fast as I could (under speed limit) and got there with three minutes to spare. There in the back of the room were a couple children still putting on coats and hats. Doreen was by herself, looking very lonely. Then Doreen’s face lit up when she saw me. Oh was she ever happy.
As we make space for others in our lives, remember everyone wants to feel special, wanted, loved.
Have you felt squeezed out by others? At home, school, church, community?
Or,
I’d love to hear your kid stories!
Comment here or send to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Another Way for week of January 7, 2022
Time to Let it Go?
Did you get to catch up with any movie, film or TV viewing over the recent holidays?
I’m so far behind with unseen movies that I have no hopes of catching up (I spend a lot of time reading instead). About the only things I sit down and watch on TV are news, Jeopardy, and an occasional ancient Andy Griffith episode. (We don’t do any streaming.) So I hardly keep up with pop culture these days. Oh, we did watch The Voice because I felt like I “knew” the Girl Named Tom group, with Mennonite roots.
So I was tickled to finally watch the entire Frozen movie (released 2013) on our TV during the holidays.
Yea, I know, 2013 was a lifetime ago—especially if you’re eight (which two of my grandsons are)! When our daughters were eight to thirteen-ish, we watched and bought numerous Disney franchise movies that came out. We still have on our video shelves Cinderella, Bambi, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Lion King and more. (Nope, no DVDs back then!)
Frozen was inspired by the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale, “The Snow Queen,” Wikipedia describes it thus: “The film depicts a princess who sets off on a journey alongside an iceman, his reindeer, and a snowman to find her estranged sister, whose icy powers have inadvertently trapped their kingdom in eternal winter.”
The princess, Anna, adored her older sister Elsa—and they loved playing in the snow like most kids. But, at one point the parents separate the two girls so that Elsa’s magical powers which could freeze body parts, won’t harm young Anna. Anna does not understand this and mourns the loss of her sister from her life.
As a woman with two sisters, and mother of three daughters, I have plenty of emotions, memories, and stories that could be told about sisterhood. Almost all of it good. But I still resonated with the basic storyline of this movie that grossed $1,280 billion in worldwide box office revenue, making it the highest-grossing animated film of all time, until the remake of Lion King in 2019.
A Disney story is going to have plenty of drama—and nowhere more than in making a film based on “Snow Queen.” There were various attempts from 1937, to post-World War II (1952), and the 1990s. Another attempt at production came in 2008 which finally came to fruition in 2013. Part of the issue was trying to make the story and characters relevant to a modern audience. When they finally hit upon the family dynamic of sisters in conflict, Wikipedia says “relationships between sisters are rarely used as a major plot element in American animated films.” I found it interesting that Disney held a “sister summit” where women from all over their own business, who grew up with sisters, came together and talked about their relationships.
I was happily surprised to find this super-popular movie had a theme I could relate to: I didn’t have much conflict with sisters, although juvenile jealousy exists in most family relationships, right? The classic song from this movie, “Let it Go” applies to so much of life including those ridiculous old fights and jealousies now replaced with love and appreciation in helping each other through life’s tough times.
After seeing the movie, I was amused when we drove to my brother and sister-in-law’s house after Christmas and saw the “Frozen” character—a puffy snowman Olaf—standing in front of their house.
I immediately knew who he was! This reminded me of long ago when the “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” TV movie came out. All of my cousins (large family) were paraded up at the family get-together (after our Christmas potluck) to sing the then newly popular song featuring Rudolph. My sisters, brother, and I stood there feeling like maybe Amish children, not having the faintest idea of what we were supposed to sing because we weren’t allowed to watch much TV at that time (we only got TV in 1963).
Maybe it’s time for me to let that embarrassment go!
Did you watch and enjoy Frozen? Other older movies I should not miss?
Post comments, memories, or stories here or send to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Another Way for week of December 31, 2021 When We Gathered at the Ocean
Is anyone else’s head muddled like mine? I have trouble sorting out what things happened or didn’t happen in 2021 and 2020—mainly because of the whirlwind the loathsome pandemic has sent us through. I’m glad I keep a journal on my laptop as sort of a calendar of the things we did or were thinking or worrying about—it helps keep me straight.
We all can likely name a variety of disappointments, shock, and dismay at all those we’ve lost—some from Covid and complications, some from cancer or heart attacks or accidents. For me the biggest loss was the death of my mother. I’ve written much about her (too much?), including having to miss her memorial service in mid-November due to my positive Covid test. It turned out to be an asymptomatic situation. But the timing was terrible and my husband and I had to stay home from her service.
I also turned 70 soon thereafter and my husband and daughters wanted to surprise me for this “big” birthday. So it was that Stuart and I ended up on a beloved stretch of South Carolina coastline in mid-December, near where my middle sister lives. Then my oldest sister totally surprised me. I had not known she was also joining us at my sister’s. We cried and hugged as we gathered.
On a lovely afternoon we sent small handfuls of Mom’s ashes into the sand and waves, watching the fine dust slowly ebb away. The sister who lives near the beach had suggested this, and while I wasn’t sure it was for me (I’d never been one to kiss or even touch a loved one in a casket—sorry to say), shaking a small bag of Mom’s ashes into the ocean seemed perfect for her love of the water and beaches. I could sense a presence with us that helped my heart take another step on the journey you go through after the death of a parent or a dearly loved person in your life. We also missed our brother at the ocean, who couldn’t join us but his heart was with us.
Genesis 3:19 reminds us that we—at least our bodies—are only dust. Our spirits live on in God’s presence somewhere in the vast cosmos.
At 70 you really start to ponder the span of your life, and feel the inevitability of one day being the one who is mourned (at least one can hope!) by loved ones. Even in the act of passing on memorabilia to the next generation (which I’ve done a lot of lately), and going through photos and letters—you start to realize the importance of writing down information on the small mug or souvenir your mom bought, or special desk your mother and father used, or the rocking chair you can visualize your grandfather in—what these things meant.
If the past two years have taught us anything, it is coming to closer grips with the turns life can take, the surprises and pivots we’ve all faced. I think of the massively destructive killer tornadoes right before Christmas in too many states, and the disappointments and futility we’ve all felt.
But we would be poor indeed if we stopped there: the past two years have taught us how precious our families and dear friends are, the treasure of hard working medical and rescue personnel in our communities and world, the dearness of safe homes, the wealth that is in many of our refrigerators and freezers and closets. At least I hope you have some of these gifts: the non-returnable blessings that God and family and our vast earth have bequeathed. I am so grateful for all my family, friends, and church community.
I pray that you will have a safe, healthy, and blessed New Year.
***
What blessings do you name: from God, family, the earth?
Have you seen or kept ashes of a loved one? How does it make you feel?
What have the last two pandemic years taught you?
Or send comments, memories, or stories to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Mary Ann Kinsinger’s Flakey Pie Crust Recipe
Mary Ann Kinsinger is an author and blogger who I only know online; but she has given me (or shall I say the world) a wonderful pie crust recipe that beats out my traditional recipe hands down. I made some homemade apple and pecan pies over Christmas and the pie crust was a winner by all who ate it. Mary Ann grew up Amish and writes fictional books, teaming up with another well-known writer about things Amish, Suzanne Woods Fisher, and together they’ve written numerous books for 8-12 year old young girls.
Some time back, Mary Ann shared it on her Facebook page and I printed it out for myself. I tried it, liked it, then lost my copy of the recipe. So awhile back, I winged it, trying to remember how it went. The result was edible but not quite up to par. Couldn’t find the recipe anywhere but in cleaning off my desk so that my grandsons could use my office/bedroom over the holidays, lo and behold there it was at the bottom of a too large pile! I was very happy.
Without any more ado, here is the recipe:
Mary Ann Kinsinger’s Pie Dough
Makes three pie crusts, depending on how thin
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup butter flavored Crisco (or you can use plain Crisco and substitute in about ¼ cup softened butter)
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup milk
1/3 cup water
Mix flour and Crisco until you have nice even crumbs. (I use a dough cutter.) Add liquids. Use a spoon or two fingers to stir and incorporate the mix together. Don’t panic at this stage thinking the dough is too wet and gloopy (Mary Ann’s word). “It will all come together and make a perfect pie dough,” she says.
My sister-in-law, an awesome cook herself, pronounced the dough “very flakey.” And that’s a great thing to have in a pie. She also asked for the recipe so I’m posting it here!
Enjoy.
To make apple pie, use your best pie recipe, my favorite is here.
Visit Mary Ann’s website which has been going since 2009 and to see all her lovely books for young girls.
And if you are serious about keeping the tradition of family dinner time alive and well, get a copy of my book from 2011: Whatever Happened to Dinner: Recipes and Reflections on Family Mealtime.
Another Way for week of December 24, 2021
A Very Special Birth
Last week I wrote about Marjorie Holmes’ famous and prolific fiction books. She wrote about Mary and Joseph in the Bible and how the birth of Jesus might have went. How do we know the facts about Jesus’ birth? I imagine that Mary and Joseph told and shared his birth story with him as he was growing up, and later with the friends and disciples of Jesus. So what is written down in the gospels of Matthew and Luke is likely very close to accurate. But those passages do not contain a lot of information, although we can be thankful for what is there.
Tradition in those times was that men or husbands did not help with the birth of a child, but rather women were generally brought in as midwives. But Mary and Joseph were winging it on their own, being far from family because of the edict to travel to Joseph’s hometown of Bethlehem to be counted in a census.
In Holmes’ book, Two from Galilee: A Love Story of Mary and Joseph, an excerpt from that special night in the stable has Mary telling Joseph, “Go fetch some water, some hot water if you can get it. Go to the herdsmen at the door and see if they can give us some.” How many movies or sitcoms about a woman giving birth in an emergency situation start with “Go get hot water.”? She adds not to take time to find a midwife at her stage of labor.
As Mary groans in her travail, (Holmes uses old Biblical terms), she tells Joseph that if she dies in childbirth: “You must know one thing. I did not sin. You are the only man I have ever loved.”
Earlier, Joseph had finally been alerted in a dream not to shy away from taking Mary as his wife. The dream included the well-known prophecy that “A virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and his name shall be called Emmanuel.” Joseph knew, as every believing Jewish person of the day did, that the scriptures had predicted a Messiah would be born who would save them all from the Roman empire which inflicted so much pain for the people.
When Mary reminds her husband—in the midst of her gut-wrenching labor—that she is indeed a virgin, Joseph (in this novel) is ripped apart mentally. “That this could be uppermost in her mind at such a time seemed to him unutterably pathetic. And that he could have doubted—unendurable. ‘I know how pure you are. God forgive me for doubting even for a minute,’” he tells her. Joseph tries to comfort her saying “And you won’t die. God would not allow it.”
Childbirth is almost always extremely stressful, especially with a first child. Today most modern couples struggle through labor together. In Holmes’s telling, Mary gathers her wits and strength and tells Joseph to get a fire going to warm the swaddling clothes she had brought along. She reminds Joseph they will need to bath the baby when it is born, and that a knife must be dipped in hot water before cutting the umbilical cord, and to tie off the cord securely.
Finally, Joseph is excited to assure Mary, “I can see its little head! You must strive harder, beloved. Bear down, bear down.”
She bore down and the baby came forth. “Joseph lifted him up for her to see. And they looked upon him together and marveled … And when he squirmed in Joseph’s arms and uttered his first cry, the thrill … ran through both of them, for this was life, human life, and they knew that a miracle had been achieved.”
Not many sermons at Christmastide have gotten this real, this intense, this descriptive.
And so the baby Jesus was born, safely. In time, he grew up to be a man with a very special mission. We know the bitter end on the cross, for our sakes, and the happier outcome of Christ’s resurrection. I pray that this retelling helps bring the reality of Christ’s birth and purpose to life for all of us. Merry Christmas! And now, happy New Year. And a happy Easter to come!
Send your thoughts or comments to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Another Way for week of December 17, 2021
A Love Story to Top All Love Stories
I love the backstory which renowned author Marjorie Holmes provided for one of her first novels based on Biblical characters, Mary and Joseph. Perhaps you will find how this book came to be interesting too.
“One Christmas Eve … a woman [she’s writing about herself on the book’s dust jacket] sat in a darkened church. The greens, the carols, the beauty of the night, all contributed to the expectant stillness that filled the church. Suddenly the woman became aware of a strong sweet smell of hay in the candlelit manger.”
This all “actually happened,” author Holmes suddenly thought in wonder. “It happened to real people in a real place with real smells and sounds and with a young mother that was no older than my own daughter.”
Holmes was a bestselling author for years (deceased 2002) and I found her book Two from Galilee: A Love Story of Mary and Joseph fascinating(published by Fleming Revell, 1972). We hear lots of stories and wonderings, especially this time of year, about how it was for Mary and Joseph as they hurried to Bethlehem and the eventual birth of baby Jesus.
In her book, Holmes adds in believable struggles and emotions for Mary and Joseph, family disagreements over politics, and a father-in-law who drinks too much: imaginative details and drama. Holmes did serious research, including traveling to Palestine to enrich her descriptions. She used some poetic license to write her novel. Thus critics have pooh-poohed some of her writing, and some felt she went too far astray with the biblical tales she relates in some of her other books. But anyone who has written 134 books, and sold millions and millions of books over many years gets my respect.
In Two from Galilee, Holmes imagines what it would have been like for a very beautiful young girl, Mary, (so pretty that her mother schemes and hopes for a beau of wealth who could offer a high bride price for Mary)—which would certainly change the fortunes of a humble family. Mary catches the eye of every young man in Galilee, including an older guy, Joseph, who is also from a relatively poor family. Holmes’ novel takes off from there, weaving in historical facts regarding life in Galilee under brutal Roman rule. Cruelty, especially for the Jewish people, abounds. But everyone in the Jewish community knows full well that at some point a Messiah has been promised to rescue them from their difficult station in life. They knew from the scriptures that God had promised this, and every young woman growing up and (her parents) wondered if she would be the one to birth this promised baby.
So Joseph and Mary, according to this book, have been eyeing each other for years and finally the time comes when Joseph’s father is able to arrange a betrothal for his son. Appropriate gifts are exchanged. Joseph is beyond excited. However, Mary’s mother is portrayed as somewhat disappointed in not gaining a wealthier son-in-law; but with a little arm twisting from young Mary—the mother comes around. A wedding will come later but for all purposes, the future bride and groom are technically married by law, even though the “honeymoon” will come after the formal wedding. They begin preparing for their life together with Joseph fixing up a future home and Mary working on her trousseau.
Then the angel Gabriel makes his announcement to Mary; she soon flees to Aunt Elizabeth’s house in the countryside near Jerusalem. Author Holmes broadens our picture of how things might have happened—not the least of which is what should Joseph do with his pregnant, betrothed, beloved Mary? I’ll write more about that next week.
The real love story here is how God loved the world and sent Jesus to earth, and that love can change us all.
If you’ve never read this book and enjoy fictional accounts of real happenings, it might be for you. Merry Christmas everyone!
Send your thoughts or comments to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
It’s finally getting real! I’m excited–not quite as excited as I was in 1981 or so when I signed my first book contract, but elated that I’ve hooked up with a good publisher, especially for a book and title that readers helped me select and encouraged me to write. We’ll get to the title in a minute.
Writing a new book is always risky, and this time I’ve written this one partly for historical purposes. The editor is assuring me that memoir and biography seem to have staying power: “Memoirs and Biographies are a popular read and stay current longer then other genres.” She may have just been stroking my ego but they seem to be my favored genres at this stage of my life.
I’ve chosen Masthof (masthof.com) and I like that they have published thousands of titles featuring local history, life stories, memoirs, Anabaptist, Pennsylvania Dutch, Amish, Mennonite, Brethren and more. They say, “Our main passion is preserving history for the next generation.” They have a quarterly supplement they mail or email to over 7,000 customers and also send out a quarterly supplement targeting bookstores.
So …. mini drum-roll, the title we’ve chosen is:
Memoir of an Unimagined Career: 43 Years Inside Mennonite Media.
And, a peek at the first couple paragraphs:
My writing career began accidentally when six incarcerated men shuffled into the gymnasium at Middlebury School (Middlebury, Indiana) in handcuffs for a scare-them-straight assembly. … Armed guards stood on either side of the mock jail cells represented by steel bars, set up like a makeshift cow pen. The men stood behind the bars and one by one told the story of how he landed in Michigan State Prison.
I felt nervous and excited about what could happen in the presence of these bad guys. Most of my classmates were listening intently, almost spellbound. You could hear every cough and sh-sh-shush from a teacher in that mostly still gymnasium. Would they try to escape in that low security setting? What would the guards do?
———————–
We hope the book will pique reader interest and preserve an amazing history of a fine church media organization that always had as it’s main goal, reaching out beyond the church. It will be fun to share the book with you — but that’s at least six months away. Stay tuned here for things like cover reveals, foreword writer, table of contents.
Meanwhile, I wish all readers a gentle and fulfilling Christmas (not the food, not the presents) but the joy of being alive and focusing on a miraculous birth over 2000 years ago. Blessings!
Another Way for week of of December10, 2021
I’ll Take Dependable, Thank You
I wasn’t sure if I could do it, but I argued my husband into letting me buy and put together a small toddler bed for a grandson to use at our house. The grandson had outgrown the crib and even Pac ‘N Play type beds. And we were short a bed when they all visited.
My husband is very busy at this time of year, cutting wood, splitting it, stacking it. He maintained that it wouldn’t take him long to put together a small bed but I knew it wouldn’t be as cute and inviting to a little one as the small “character” beds I found in stores and online. I told him that after perhaps buying a few pieces of wood for the project and some pretty bright paint, we would probably easily spend more than $50 (the price online). It arrived in two days. Now my work was cut out for me.
So on a recent Monday morning, I started in and made great progress, until, you guessed it, I needed a third or even fourth hand with some of the final screws and bolts. I couldn’t hold the parts and insert the screw too. (How did the woman on the YouTube instructional video do it??)
Bless his heart, when I told Stuart my predicament, without a great deal of complaining or “I told you so” comments, he helped me finish the final steps in a matter of minutes. He was/is dependable.
Dependable as a word sounds boring. They even named adult diapers after it, right? But I think that dependability is one of the sweetest and best traits for a person—especially in a friend, family, or marriage relationship. It is golden.
Reliable. Trustworthy. Steadiness. Loyalty. Fidelity.
I’ll say “Yes, please,” for all of these traits. Being able to lean on each other, knowing and remembering the big or little things that makes the other happy (or really ticks them off!) are like bedrock: a foundation you can build on.
We look for a lot of things in a family relationship. There’s love of course, but also stick-to-itiveness. Getting up and going to work every day (in your working years). Mindfully stashing raises into your rainy-day account or 401K. Being there for them when they start—but can’t finish a project without a third or fourth hand. Keeping secrets and confidences. These are part of being dependable. I can’t tell you how many people or employers I’ve heard in recent years talk about the unreliability of many in the work force, which is very sad.
We learn these traits and functions from our parents, friends, and broader family. As a community, society, country, or world, we thrive when dependability abounds, and fall apart when it is in short supply.
On the other hand, the opposite of dependability is failing to follow through on a promise or job. Carol Gignoux, a prominent thought leader on the subject of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, (ADHD) reminds folks that “There is no better way to show that you value your job than by showing up consistently and getting the work done without a fuss.” This is not easy, especially if someone struggles with attention deficit as an adult. Coaching programs can help.
We want reliable cars. We want mail that gets delivered in a reasonable amount of time. It comes down to managing our commitments, points out another advisor, Lee Colan at Inc.com. We especially want and need reliable financial advisors.
But we can walk through the challenges and difficulties that come our way when we have people around us who support us, whom we can lean on, whom we can trust.
This Christmas season, I am newly grateful for those who have supported us in this past year and I hope you can treasure those who’ve done that for you. In this difficult year—shall we say the second difficult year in a row—grab on to and praise, compliment, or thank those who’ve been bedrock for you.
Did you ever start a project that was a challenge for you? How did it go? We’d love to hear!
Or, what are you especially grateful for this year?
Send your thoughts or comments to anotherwaymedia@yahoo.com or Another Way Media, P.O. Box 363, Singers Glen, VA 22834.
Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
Another Way for week of December 3, 2021
Unexpected: Rearrange Some Rugs
“Unexpected” is the theme the worship planning team at church chose for Advent this year. When so many of us have had our plans and worlds turned upside down in a matter of seconds or hours … yes, we have to expect the unexpected.
This November, our youngest grandson had not been in our house for a year and a half, due to Covid and very careful parents. He is a little over three now and still not old enough to get his vaccine. So the little fellow is the only one in the family who is not vaccinated. Earlier this fall, he unexpectedly endured quarantine due to having a positive Covid test (had a runny nose) and had to spend many hours in his room when he longed to be playing with his brothers. I doubt he could really mentally process what being in “quarantine” meant, other than “alone.” He did enjoy messing with a computer tablet—since he is not usually allowed unsupervised access.
At any rate, his older brothers certainly remembered our house at Thanksgiving, but Edward didn’t really remember it. So, I noticed he was staring at a large photo of our family from about seven years ago. He easily recognized his mother and father in the photo and the rest of us, but I knew he was pondering why his parents were only holding one very small boy—about four months old. That baby was matched on the other side of the photo by a six-month-old cousin.
I lifted Edward onto a chair so he could see the photo better, and began to explain to him that the baby was his oldest brother, and that he and Henry weren’t even born yet. He looked like he was taking it in, and I think he was kind of making sense of it. After all, there are many photos around his own home of his brothers without him in them.
After I helped Edward down, he began further exploring our house and commenting on the many oval braided rugs we have in our house. He went around pointing to them and saying “There’s a zero.” He loves numbers. Next thing I knew, he was picking up the small brown “zero” inside our front door and carrying it back to one bedroom where we had recently put a large brown braided oval rug given to us. Edward planted the small rug near a desk in the room and I loved it: my new interior designer. Totally unexpected.
Back to the “Unexpected” theme for Advent. At our church we usually have a beautiful, natural green wreath with candles for each week of Advent. Families, couples, or individuals take turns reading a scripture, and then lighting one additional candle each Sunday.
This year, the worship leader placed a single jar with a candle inside and lit that candle representing “hope,” saying that instead of our normal wreath, various candles would represent the unexpected nature of our current pandemic times. The scripture from Jeremiah 29 spoke to the theme of sorrow and difficulty when the Israelites lost hope as they were forced into exile in Babylon. The prophet Jeremiah told the people to build homes, start gardens, and settle in, and that there would be a better time in the future as they held on, together.
Honestly, most of us can relate to this loss of hope. Will things ever get better? Will we be able to celebrate Christmas with our families, or will last minute colds and coughs and positive covid tests keep us home and in isolation? Worse, hospitalized with unknown futures? We have all lost so many loved ones from various causes. Our hearts ache for each other.
The God of hope, love and grace be with us all as we travel these uncertain roads. We need the courage and chutzpah of a three-year-old to make ourselves at home, rearrange some rugs, and do the best we can even in isolation, or new and strange surroundings. One of my favorite songs at church goes “May the God of hope go with us every day, filling all our lives with love and joy, and peace.”
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Have you had any surprises so far this December?
What are you looking forward to? What are going to miss?
Do you like rearranging things in your house for the holiday season? Or not so much….
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Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.
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