Getting Married Amid the Pandemic

Another Way for week of January 23, 2021

Getting Married Amid the Pandemic

[First of two parts]

My youngest daughter is getting married today (written January 16). Yes, I’m a little old and she’s no 20-something herself anymore. But we are overjoyed that she and her mate have found each other and are preparing to spend the rest of their lives together. This gives us joy and satisfaction that they will be there for each other in years to come, even as we move up in years.

But getting married in this pandemic? A little bit crazy but also a bit saner, perhaps, because they were forced to strip back to the essentials: who must be there? Who will we have to forego inviting? No dress rehearsals, no bridal tea, no bridal or wedding showers even. No tuxes. No special music to worry about. But, instead, wondering whether the technology side of attending “by Zoom” will just be too complicated for some friends and relatives who would otherwise be joining us in person.

As mother-of-the-bride I scurried about cleaning the house, but other years when our older daughters got married, we prepared for a major influx of family visitors, housing as many as we could. Some slept on a mattress on the floor. But with only one small family of four visiting us post-wedding, the pre-wedding clean-up was really no big deal.

Yes, there was a photographer, a videographer, and minister to line up. But outside in mid-January!? In Maryland. Let’s see, that’s technically a northern state. Yes, cold, but it could be worse according to the weather records: today it should be around 44 when the vows are repeated.

But there will be cupcakes, and a ring bearer, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. There will be parents and siblings and spouses/significant others, all keeping the total under Maryland’s limits for outside gatherings at this stage of lock down: no more than 25, all wearing masks. At least masks tend to keep your face warm. Does anyone else think so too? One advantage.

I don’t feel as nostalgic as if she were just now leaving home: she’s been independent for about ten years, managing her own finances (including grad school), first job in a strange city and all alone (with one sister living about 45 minutes away, which is nice). She has been launched, so it was very sweet and welcome when her beau sat down with us on our porch this summer the old-fashioned way, to “ask” for our daughter’s hand in marriage, or maybe “tell” us that’s what he intended to do. I don’t know if they do this in the country he is from originally or not: Benin. A small country in western Africa. We’ve known him now over two years and are very impressed with the love and joy they have shown for each other and we hope and pray they’ll know many years of happiness together.

Anyone who gets married during a pandemic that seems currently to be worsening (but thankfully with vaccines soon available for more of us)—has got to be optimistic. We hope to have a larger celebration later when it is safe for such. That’s anyone’s guess about when that will be. We’d love for it to happen this fall.

I think I’ve written down these wedding day thoughts for each of my daughters and the thing I want to say is love and marriage are difficult but worth it. The companionship, the being there for each other, the long years of history together—that’s what we all want, isn’t it? Many are not so lucky whether because of divorce or death, but that’s the goal and that’s what brings us to this day, rejoicing.

Let the dance begin! And I’ll let you know next week how it all went down.

Wedding preparation stories? What went well or caused panic at your wedding?

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Another Way is a column by Melodie Davis, in syndication since 1987. She is the author of nine books. Another Way columns are posted at FindingHarmonyBlog.com a week after newspaper publication.